Rehab: Back APRIL

Mar 04, 2008 I Life Rocks!, Rants, Thoughts and Gibberish.

Current Mood:Frustrated emoticon Frustrated & Gloomy emoticon Gloomy

Dear YOU,

Everything seems hallucinatory… diffused doubled visions. When i slowly opened my eyes, it was only 4 o’clock in the morning, 2 hours after my first attempt to sleep, but the recent rounds fuck-up have caught insomnia hissing at the back of my ear… leaving me mental. My whole nervous system has been electrocuted, given the mere recalibration. Everything around me appears to have an exaggerated effect.

The ticking of my alarm clock besides me, every seconds bits of its movement twitches my brain. Weakly, i flung it straight at the wall… it crashes in the darkness of sombre.

I lie still on one side and concentrate eventually, i can detect the shape and position of all my entire internal organ apparently. The weak and wet lungs bellowing there, the yellow-grey liver slumped against my backbone, the purple kidneys engorged and bruised, the intestines… groaning hot inside.

Suddenly i felt like I’m a walking zombie. As i move my head scarcely, the rustling of my hair against the pillow sounded massively amplified too. I have the epoxysm of shooting myself.

I reminisce… that one thing that bothers me. What happened? And there it is … the supressed memory. FUCKED UP … bubbling up like a fart in a bathtub. FUCKED UP… you … Suddenly revoking my memory, like a rewinding of the cassette. The remnants of my drowsiness disappeared vividly.

I hate i have to let you go that easily… Because I actually hate you so much now, i should have crack your head loudly at the window frame. I should have give you a spinning round once, twice and ho… sending you down face-first onto the floor with my knuckles… blood in abundance, drying up along times.

I hate you… and i hate myself not getting up viciously, titled my head slightly downward and clenched my teeth, that i frowned because frowning helps me focus my energy, and of course, drawing your attention at the forehead. Then… Aim, and fire! Lunging forward and strike you with my full body weight. An hateful sneeze…

AT-CHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEW!

Head-butting you, bringing your mortified mother-fucking face… turning blue.

Even all those above shall leave me feeling the spasm of fleeting but intense sensation streaming inside, with the satisfactonary taste of vengeance. Yet… I JUST LET YOU GO… just like that, safe and sound… no cracks and jacks.

I watched you walk away… straining myself to low tide with collective autophobias and pains. I remain solitude right on the spot, stripped down to the core of me, bleeding.

I don’t even know how life would be without you anymore, I don’t even know how to dispense this unflinching heart-stabbing emotions. And here I’m… feeling the pain viscerally… This is the last of me that u shall see me in before i go rehab.

I LOVE YOU
I HATE YOU MORE NOW…

While you’re smilling away with your new love. Sweet dreams… My C*BAI EX.

Regards,
splashmilk.

WOW! 18 responses so far , say something?

  1. Joo said:

    i got the same feeling as yours lately, a walking Zombie…sleepless at night, i was struggling whether letting go or not and i didnt get any response from him, i am weak…crying over and over again like thousand knives were stabbed into my heart and bleeding non-stop to dryness….but life goes on… i stand up again and here i am, surfing blogs again ^^ cheers up man, you will find your Miss Right soon ^^

    Mar 04, 2008, 10:08 am
  2. SilverIsle said:

    Feeling exactly the same thing at the moment. Gosh. It really sucks, to the max.

    Glad you’re able to write it out. Release yourself here. Though won’t help much, but still you’ll feel much better knowing that there are many people out here caring for you.

    I, on the other hand, choose to lock myself up and cry over things I shouldn’t again and again.

    Life moves on. Cheerz mate. Our Mr. / Miss Right will appear one day if not soon.

    Mar 04, 2008, 11:09 pm
  3. NJ said:

    Hey! i’m back after months of absence, silence, whatever you call it.

    I’m not going to say much, but hey, there’s more to life and it’s not the end of the word yet. ;)

    Do take care.

    Mar 04, 2008, 12:05 am
  4. tmot said:

    this is da start of Anxiety Disorder..
    take care mate…

    Mar 04, 2008, 10:17 am
  5. esther chin said:

    hmm…

    Mar 04, 2008, 2:50 pm
  6. clement said:

    haiz… the painful stage of life… hang on there…

    Mar 04, 2008, 6:37 pm
  7. ahlost said:

    *hugs*

    Mar 04, 2008, 12:05 am
  8. gLaDieZz said:

    *huGs* smiLes

    Mar 04, 2008, 11:07 am
  9. veorence said:

    *sayang*x (n)

    u deserve a better one… don worries.. tons of good gal out there ;)

    i just gotten over.. so.. i can definately feel how u feeling now.. just.. try..try to live better =)

    *hugsss*

    Mar 04, 2008, 12:16 pm
  10. ah^kam said:

    time to get a nice plate of roast duck…

    Mar 04, 2008, 7:30 am
  11. Lex said:

    take care… and come back soon :-)

    me got cookies to cheer u up k..

    Mar 04, 2008, 12:35 am
  12. kyliemc said:

    *hugs* the feeling sucks but look at the brighter sight, more girls will have a chance to get to know you better and be loved by you. though time will not completely heal the scar in the heart but at least it will erase some of your memories when you are too busy with something else

    Mar 04, 2008, 9:07 pm
  13. david said:

    HUGS splashmilk and gives him a shoulder and another big HUG

    Mar 04, 2008, 2:50 am
  14. Brandon said:

    I feel you bro. By the way, long time no see.

    Mar 04, 2008, 4:23 pm
  15. annna said:

    *huggles*

    Take care!!

    Mar 04, 2008, 12:22 am
  16. Dakota said:

    Everyone leaving the sweet messages of: Good gals out there la la la…

    Yeah, but no one knows real heart story.

    I feel sad for you.

    Sincerely mean it.

    Hugs

    Dakota ox

    Mar 04, 2008, 6:57 pm
  17. Gerald said:

    Let go and move on… it’s just a mark of a new beginning. If she left for another guy then she’s plain not worth it for you… A real woman who loves you, dont leave you.

    Mar 04, 2008, 1:35 am
  18. Ellone said:

    Hang out more with friends + keep urelf busy +, the most important, love yourself more, it helps !
    Cheer up aniway ~

    Mar 04, 2008, 9:21 pm

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